Tips & Techniques

Tips & Techniques

So now that you know the basics, how do you actually have an orgasm?
Since it varies for everyone, there are no fool-proof, step-by-step instructions. That said, there are a few simple things you can try – with a partner, with a vibrator, or with nothing but your own two hands and your imagination – that should get you well on your way toward the big climax.

On Your Own
Many women find it easier to have autoerotic orgasms (orgasms through masturbation) than with a partner. After all, you know better than anyone what makes you feel good. Plus, it can be easier to let yourself go when there's no audience. Here are some suggestions to get to know your body –

  1. Walk before you run. Just like any good date should, treat yourself right and set the mood. Turn off your phone, lock the door, dim the lights, put on some music – whatever feels right to you.
  2. Stay warm. A study recently covered by the BBC News reported that a woman is 30% more likely to have an orgasm if her feet are warm. A hot bath (or some sexy, sexy wool socks) is a great way to go.
  3. Get comfy. Many women masturbate while lying on their backs with their knees up and their legs spread. Others prefer lying face-down or even on their side with their legs wrapped around a pillow. Experiment and see what feels best for you.
  4. Start thinking. What turns you on? Think about a scenario, imaginary or real that turns you on. Maybe there's a sexy scene from a book you read that you want to recall. This is one of the most fun parts – there are no restrictions on what you think about to get excited. If you want something to help get you started, try reading some erotica or watching a softcore film.
  5. Work yourself up. Foreplay isn't just for partners. Don't be in a rush to get to your vagina, touch yourself elsewhere to turn yourself on. Rubbing your thighs, stomach, neck or breasts can build arousal.
  6. Let your fingers do the work. Using one finger or several, explore your vagina. Caress different parts – your inner and outer labia, your clitoris, your vagina and your perineum. See what feels especially good.
  7. Or use a vibrator. Try using a vibrator to stimulate your vagina, clitoris and nipples in a way that your fingers can't. External vibrators, like FORM 2 are perfect for adding sensation.
  8. The main event. When you feel good and ready, use a finger or two to rhythmically stroke the area around your clitoris. You can use lubricant or saliva to keep things slippery. Place a finger on either side of the clitoris and stroke up and down, or put your finger on the clitoral hood and rub in a circular motion. Experiment with a variety of pressures, speeds and motions. Some women enjoy adding penetration to their play. You can use your fingers, a dildo, or an internal vibrator, like FORM 4, FORM 6, LITTLE CHROMA or ICONIC SMOOTHIE.
  9. Play with breath and motion. Clenching and releasing your PC muscles (pubococcygeus muscles) can make it easier to have an orgasm. You can also try rocking your pelvis back and forth and breathing deeply. These are all physical cues that tell your brain that you're ready to have an orgasm.
  10. If at first you don't succeed... You know the rest. Just remember, learning to have an orgasm is a lot more fun than learning your multiplication tables. And possibly more important (don't tell your 4th grade math teacher). The good news is that once you've done it a few times by yourself, it's easier to do again and again – either alone or as a team. Just like riding a bike. A bike that makes you feel amazing.

With a Partner
There are many orgasm-inducing activities you can enjoy with a partner that you can't do on your own. Oral sex, for example, unless you're freakishly flexible. However, since everyone's body is different, you can't expect your partner to automatically know what feels best for yours. Express what you like and what you don't like, either with words, sounds or body language. You can even show your partner with your hands how and where to touch.

All the tips for masturbation apply to partner time as well. Don't be afraid to touch yourself during sex, to move your body in any way that feels good, and to think about whatever turns you on (there's no rule that says you can't think about Ryan Gosling).

With a Partner and a Vibrator
As many as 79% of women who use vibrators use them with their partners. Vibrators such as the ICONIC SMOOTHIE and FORM 3 are popular with couples because they can provide clitoral stimulation during penetration. For more tips on choosing the right vibrator for you and your partner and adding it to your relationship, check out our section on Introducing a Vibrator.

1 Al Cooper, Ph.D., Sex Therapist "Understanding the Female Orgasm" (July 2003)
2 Medline Plus Medical Encyclopedia, "Orgasmic Dysfunction" (September 2002)
3 Brewer G and Hendrie CA., "Evidence to suggest that copulatory vocalizations in women are not a reflexive consequence of orgasm." (2010) University of Indiana researchers. Hebernick D. et al. "Prevalence and Characteristics of Vibrator Use By Women in the U.S.: Results from a Nationally Representative Study," Journal of Sexual Medicine 6:1857 (2009)