It has come to our attention that there are folks out there who unclear on the distinction between a dildo and a vibrator. Around here, we often get questions like “So, how’s work at the dildo factory?” - drawing to mind Lucy toiling away on the assembly line, only with rubbery phalluses wobbling by rather than chocolates. Rest assured, we never make our employees eat our excess inventory, and we don’t make dildos. We make vibrators.

The most important differentiating factor in what makes something a vibrator is, well, vibration. Vibrators are motorized massagers, while dildos are phallic-shaped objects that do not move on their own. In other words, a vibrator is not a dildo, unless it’s out of batteries or broken and is simply used for insertion. In that case, you can call your vibrator your dildo – and a bit of a buzzkill. If you’re in that situation, it’s really time to buy a rechargeable vibrator that won’t run out of batteries and won’t break (and if it does, you can take advantage of its Warranty.) Dildos have been around since the dawn of man (or, more importantly, the dawn of woman). Phalluses made of stone have been discovered that age back to 26,000 B.C. Remember Clan of the Cave Bear (the book if you’re all literary, or Darryl Hannah if you’re all soft porny)? Reimagine that sex scene, only this time, insert some accessories. Vibrators, on the other hand, did not come along until the 1800’s, when the technology of the time allowed objects to move on their own. The first vibrator was steam-powered, followed in the 1880’s by Dr. Mortimer Granville’s electromechanical wonder, the “Manipulator.” (Learn all about it in Hysteria, the new romantic comedy from Sony Pictures Classics, starring Maggie Gyllenhaal and directed by our friend, Tanya Wexler.) There are lots of lovely dildo options out there, if you are looking for a non-vibrating, insertable sex accessory – from one doubling as a massage tool, to a shimmering vampire penis, to a full-on life-like member in the skin tone of your choice.