As if you didn’t already have enough going on, right?
At Jimmyjane, we frequently get questions from new moms who want to bring their sex lives back. The good news? Not only is great sex possible post-baby, but with a little exploration, it can better than ever.
"I'm a brand-new mom – sex is the last thing on my mind."
After giving birth, many women find that their libidos take a little vacation. Prolactin and oxytocin levels are high, estrogen levels are low and breasts are sore – all of which can make sex less than appealing.
Tip: Take your time, and build intimacy in other ways, such as sharing a massage or a bath. Staying physically connected with one another now will make it easier to resume your sex life later – and it may even speed things along. If you're looking for a starting point, an AFTERGLOW Natural Massage Oil Candle offers the perfect opportunity for some much-needed "we" time.
"Ugh, I don't feel sexy."
Hormones aside, many new moms feel less than sexy simply because they're overtired and overextended, or because their bodies have changed. Some moms also say that sex feels like an indulgence when they should be focusing on their child.
Tip: A sexually fulfilled Mommy is a happy Mommy – not a selfish Mommy. Carve out some private time for you and your partner to talk about what it is that you find sexy about one another. Saying it out loud makes it real, builds intimacy…and may be just the inspiration you need.
"My sex drive needs a kickstart."
Reconnecting with your inner sexpot doesn't always happen quickly. Additionally, many find that the sensations or positions they enjoy post-baby are curiously different from those they enjoyed pre-baby.
Tip: The best way to discover what you like is to start by playing solo. FORM 2 provides clitoral stimulation, which the majority of women need to have an orgasm. You can also enlist our versatile FORM 6 to explore internal, external, G-spot and clitoral stimulation. Much like parenting, sexual satisfaction can benefit from some experimentation.
"Can't we just go back to how it used to be?"
Picking up exactly where you left off before the baby – especially if you were having spontaneous sex on the kitchen table – may not be a realistic expectation. Lust comes easily early in a relationship because your brains are flooded PEA (Phenethylamine), a natural stimulant. You are literally high on sex. By the time you've had a child, you've come off your PEA buzz, and it's time to get down to business figuring out what really turns you on.
Tip: Expand your sexual repertoire, and don't be shy – more couples than ever before are buying erotica and sex accessories such as vibrators, and 40% of women who use a vibrator use it with a partner. ICONIC RING is a couples' favorite and is perfect for sharing hands-free sensation. Alternatively, the remarkably intuitive FORM 3 lets you share touch with the added thrill of vibration.
"Are we doing it often enough?"
There is no magic formula that determines how often a couple should be having sex. Every relationship is different, so there's no need to pressure yourselves to meet a quota. Go for quality over quantity.
Tip: Rather than racking up five-minute quickies, clear an hour or two, even it it's on a less frequent basis. This will give you time to switch gears, relax and let everything unfold naturally. You'll emerge more relaxed, emotionally connected, and ready to raise some babies.