So now that you know the basics, how do you actually have an orgasm?
Since it varies for everyone, there are no fool-proof, step-by-step instructions. That said, there are a few simple things you can try – with a partner, with a vibrator, or with nothing but your own two hands and your imagination – that should get you well on your way toward the big climax.
On Your Own
Many women find it easier to have autoerotic orgasms (orgasms through masturbation) than with a partner. After all, you know better than anyone what makes you feel good. Plus, it can be easier to let yourself go when there's no audience. Here are some suggestions to get to know your body –
With a Partner
There are many orgasm-inducing activities you can enjoy with a partner that you can't do on your own. Oral sex, for example, unless you're freakishly flexible. However, since everyone's body is different, you can't expect your partner to automatically know what feels best for yours. Express what you like and what you don't like, either with words, sounds or body language. You can even show your partner with your hands how and where to touch.
All the tips for masturbation apply to partner time as well. Don't be afraid to touch yourself during sex, to move your body in any way that feels good, and to think about whatever turns you on (there's no rule that says you can't think about Ryan Gosling).
With a Partner and a Vibrator
As many as 79% of women who use vibrators use them with their partners. Vibrators such as the ICONIC SMOOTHIE and FORM 3 are popular with couples because they can provide clitoral stimulation during penetration. For more tips on choosing the right vibrator for you and your partner and adding it to your relationship, check out our section on Introducing a Vibrator.
1 Al Cooper, Ph.D., Sex Therapist "Understanding the Female Orgasm" (July 2003)
2 Medline Plus Medical Encyclopedia, "Orgasmic Dysfunction" (September 2002)
3 Brewer G and Hendrie CA., "Evidence to suggest that copulatory vocalizations in women are not a reflexive consequence of orgasm." (2010) University of Indiana researchers. Hebernick D. et al. "Prevalence and Characteristics of Vibrator Use By Women in the U.S.: Results from a Nationally Representative Study," Journal of Sexual Medicine 6:1857 (2009)
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